


Shame and the Shameless

by junko



Series: Written in the Scars (of Our Hearts) [17]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst and Humor, M/M, Original Character(s), Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-22
Updated: 2013-07-22
Packaged: 2017-12-20 23:22:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/893097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junko/pseuds/junko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Having gotten caught in the act by Rukia, Renji and Byakuya scramble to make things right...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shame and the Shameless

**Author's Note:**

> Finally, the 'after' of the cliffhanger! 
> 
> [Josey (cestus)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cestus/pseuds/Josey) did her usual bang-up job spotting typos, but also, this time, helped me sort out Byakuya's head space (not an easy job for anyone!) So double, triple, extra thanks go to her!

So much happened at once that Renji nearly choked on what he had in his mouth--which, almost instantly, was nothing. 

In a move that was surprising for more than just the speed of it, Byakuya blocked the view of Renji’s naked body with his own. At least, that’s what Renji figured must have happened. Because before the leash’s chain even finished hitting the floor, Renji felt a shunpō breeze. Byakuya was gone from him, only to instantly reappear at Renji’s back. As Renji struggled with a coughing fit, Byakuya’s deep don’t-fuck-with-me voice boomed out, “Go.” The commanding sound of it almost had Renji jumping to his feet with a ‘Hai, Taicho!’ but for a hand that reached down to clasp his shoulder protectively. Rukia hardly needed the command. She’d already been talking: “Here’syourstuff! We’llbebackinfifteenminutes! OkayBye!”

Then the door swung shut with a bang. 

The lock clicked into place and, once again, they were alone.

Renji knelt on the shag carpet for the longest moment just… breathing. Byakuya’s hand seemed to hold him in place, grounding him--or maybe it held Byakuya upright, given the pressure of it. 

No thoughts filled Renji’s head, only jumble. Slowly, sensations seemed to return: the thundering silence of the room, the taste of disappointment in his mouth, and a heavy, unsatisfied ache in his cock.

Yeah, this was a mess. And he didn’t even get off on it. 

Then, Byakuya’s hand left Renji’s shoulder. Somewhere behind the back of his head, Renji heard the zip of pants and a small breath. “That was… regrettable.”

Renji had to laugh; that was exactly what he’d been thinking… sort of. “Yeah. Little bit.”  
Craning around, Renji glanced up at Byakuya. His face was drawn, almost ashen. Standing with his back to the door, his eyes were resolutely downcast. He held his body so still that he hardly seemed to be breathing. 

“Uh… so, any chance you want to finish up?” Renji asked hopefully, even though from the lack of a bulge in Byakuya’s pants, he could guess at the answer.

“What?” Byakuya seemed startled and almost affronted by the suggestion, “No, of course not.”

“You sure?” Renji smiled lasciviously, “’Cuz, I noticed she gave us fifteen minutes. Bet I could get you back in the game in no time. And, you know, it doesn’t take that long to--”

“No,” Byakuya cut him off firmly. But, briefly, their eyes met, and there was something that flashed though those gray depths—relief? But, then Byakuya looked away and shook his head. “The risk is too great.”

Huh. Wasn’t this whole thing about being discovered? The thrill of the risk? Apparently Byakuya wasn’t into that sort of thing if it involved Rukia. Renji grunted disappointedly and pulled himself to his feet. “Okay. I guess in that case I ought to get dressed.”

Renji spied his casual street clothes spilling out of an Urahara Shōten bag that happily promised to ‘Fulfill All Your Spiritual Needs While Satisfying Your Sweet Tooth!’ As he moved around Byakuya and headed over to the fallen bag, Renji pointedly tried not to glance in the mirrors, but something glinted, catching his eye. 

The cock ring.

Great. Of all the things Rukia had seen, Renji could have done without that one. The leash and collar were… awkward, but somehow the cock ring was worse. Renji worked it off as fast as possible, managing to snag a clump of pubic hair in the process. “Son of a bitch,” he cursed as he ripped the hairs out. 

Irritated, he plopped himself down on the shag carpeting and started rummaging through the things. He found underwear first. Now he imagined--Rukia? Eishirō?--picking through his unmentionables… right before blundering in on him on him in all his glory, on his knees in front of Byakuya.

Surprise!

He chuckled to himself. But, glancing back at where Byakuya seemed to have rooted to the spot, Renji frowned. Rukia’s entry into their little orchestrated scene changed everything. How would things have gone otherwise? Was Byakuya planning on pumping himself into Renji’s face in front of Eishirō, like he’d done with Aio in the library? Probably. 

Yet he wouldn’t do it in front of Rukia. Because, what? With her as a witness everything suddenly became shameful? For whom? Because, Renji was feeling something, but it wasn’t shame. 

Honestly, Renji had yet to put his finger on what he felt. Something was roiling in his gut, but it had no shape yet. 

As he scrunched into a pair of fire-engine red briefs, Renji had to shove down the thought that if Byakuya was feeling like a shit, maybe it kind of served him right. After all, it was nothing to him to use his servant like that, a man whose entire purpose in life was to make sure Byakuya had what he needed. Apparently, even if what he needed was a cheap thrill at the man’s expense.

And Renji’s.

But once Rukia was involved… then it was not okay. Apparently, she wasn’t someone he wanted to take advantage of.

The funny part was that, given a choice, Renji might have preferred Rukia over Eishirō. After all, it wasn’t like she didn’t know that he and Byakuya were lovers, and this would hardly be the first time she’d stumbled in to find Renji naked with someone. You didn’t live in a communal house for half a century together without seeing the occasional naked bits. 

The collar and chains might have been a shocker. Especially from her sainted nii-sama.

But, what the fuck? Hadn’t the whole scene been carefully orchestrated so that Byakuya looked good? Renji was absolutely sure, given how fucking frustratingly long it had taken to arrange their little scene, Byakuya suffered minimum exposure while Renji had the most. Rukia and Eishirō probably had seen nothing more of Byakuya than they usually did, and way more of Renji than they ever wanted to.

That uneasy feeling in Renji’s gut was starting to coalesce. 

Finding a decent pair of jeans next, Renji stood up to stomp into them. He had to swing chain out the way, which just made him more irritated. 

With a grunt, Renji finished buttoning up the fly. He started to glance through the now scattered pile of clothes on the floor for a tee-shirt when he spied Byakuya’s tea. The thick white paper container showed the logo for a place called ‘Die Kazie’ and it sat, perfectly upright and pristine, just to one side of the door.

It wasn’t spilled.

Whoever put it there was in perfect control as they placed it carefully on the floor.

Rukia.

It had to have been Rukia.

Even though his eyes had been squeezed shut, Renji was pretty sure it’d been Eishirō who had flung the bag down in shock and surprise.

If Rukia had the presence of mind to not spill the tea, she wasn’t nearly as shocked as Byakuya might hope. Either that or she was a bad-ass soldier who kept her head in a fight. 

Knowing Rukia, it was both.

Renji nodded appreciatively as he picked up the tea, careful to move aside the chain leash so as not to do what Rukia so carefully had not. “I know you’re upset, but I wouldn’t worry too much,” Renji said, holding the intact, un-spilled paper to-go cup up as proof to Byakuya. “If Rukia thought to save your tea, she don’t hate you.”

Because as cool in a fight as she clearly was; that tea would be upside down and stomped on if she was pissed off.

Byakuya didn’t look up. His voice sounded empty as he said, “I’m not concerned that Rukia is angry; I’m worried that she’s lost all respect for me.”

Bam! Like a punch in the gut, there it was: what was bothering Renji was that Byakuya clearly cared a whole hell of a lot more for his sister than he did his lover.

Renji glared at the tea in his hand. The worst part? The reverse was just as true. Rukia hadn’t gasped, “Renji!” in horror. No, it was “Nii-sama.”

It was always fucking “nii-sama.”

“I don’t know what the hell you’re worried about,” Renji said, trying not to sneer or crush the paper cup in his hand as he said it. How could Byakuya even worry? She’d never walked away from him. Never. “She loves you.”

“How can you say that so easily, Renji—“

Renji cut Byakuya off, “I can say that because you ain’t never been just onii-chan to Rukia. You’re her goddamn nii-sama.” In time Renji managed to swallow back, ‘That’s a huge world of difference. Trust me.’ Furious nonetheless, Renji snatched a random shirt from the floor. Pressing the tea into Byakuya's chest, he managed through clenched teeth: “Drink your fucking tea and get over it. You came out the winner again, like you always do. So, fuck off, why don’tcha? I’m going to go put away the sex toys this time so Eishirō don’t have to. And I guess that includes me.”

With that, Renji stomped toward the bedroom, the leash dragging noisily behind him.

#

Byakuya had learned to listen to grammar. 

Renji could be trusted to speak his mind most of the time. However, Byakuya knew there were things Renji wouldn’t or couldn’t say. Whenever those moments came up, his language dropped out. The other times it happened was when he was hurt more than he wanted to say. It had been this way since the alley, since just before Renji achieved bankai.

Renji had every reason to be angry. Byakuya understood this. But, he had no idea what precipitated holding on to this strange paper cup of tea. And what, exactly he always ‘won.’

It didn’t help that every time Byakuya attempted to replay the conversation, the only thing that flashed through his mind was the image of Rukia’s horrified face.

She shouldn’t have been there. Yet, Byakuya should have known it could happen. The text. The text had said Eishirō had been delayed at Urahara’s shōten. He must have run into Rukia there. But, his demon being what it was, Byakuya hadn’t properly considered the possibility that Rukia could have been the delay, and she would’ve followed Eishirō back to the hotel. Normally, Rukia wasn’t so spontaneous; she was circumspect and called ahead. Perhaps such things fell by the wayside in the massive casualness of Human World, or Eishirō may have led her to believe that there would be no conflict, no problem dropping by. At some point, she must have dismissed the bodyguard. She certainly had the authority to do so. As much as he might like to, Byakuya couldn’t blame the guard for obeying the Lady Rukia’s orders.

It had been a perfect storm of fate and happenstance.

But, he prided himself in being a better strategist than this.

Rukia should never have had to witness any of that. Not only had Byakuya tarnished his own image with her, he’d sullied Renji’s. It was dishonorable. Particularly given that it had been a selfish pursuit of pleasure.

Byakuya should apologize. First to Renji and then to Rukia.

But he’d been all but frozen in place since the moment the door swung open and he met Rukia’s eyes. At first… dear gods, at first, he saw Hisana in those deep purple depths. It had been his wife catching him with a lover—no, not just any lover: Renji. Someone he was coming to truly love, someone he sometimes felt guilty about because he feared the love he had for Renji might surpass…

And there she was, staring at him like that looking so horrified… so disappointed… so disgusted.

No, Byakuya couldn’t be sure of the last. The images of Rukia’s face were mingling not only with Hisana’s but also with… hers, Eishirō first wife, the woman who’d opened the door and found him truly unawares with the stable hand. 

At that memory his whole body flooded with shame, a desire to cover himself, hide, run, beg for forgiveness—anything but face the humiliating awfulness of that heavy disappointment. It was to be the disappointment that would never leave his grandfather’s eyes. Even after facing his grandfather’s silent rage that followed, the sting of the crop on Byakuya’s own bare legs, and then being sent away in disgrace. Months spent away from the family, from anyone he knew… even then, after all that, he’d still come home a disappointment.

He would always be a disgusting, unworthy _disappointment_.

Senbonzakura’s song brought him back, heart thudding in his chest. Just as despair had brought them together then, it held them together now.

Realizing he hadn’t breathed in far too long, Byakuya took a moment to slowly fill his lungs. The breath came in as a shuddering gasp.

He had to get a hold of himself. This, he reminded himself, was not then. For one, he’d been obeyed when he told Rukia and Eishirō to go, to leave them alone. He was an adult. He had power over this situation.

So much power, in fact, that he was responsible for it. Byakuya was entirely to blame this time. They’d been discovered, precisely because they were meant to be.

He checked the watch on his wrist. If Rukia was good on her word, she’d be back in less than ten minutes. Even though he had no idea what would make things better, Byakuya would just have to try to say something to Renji. If he could control this situation it would be all right. 

Everything would be all right.

#

Byakuya was staring at him. 

Even without lifting his head from the bed, Renji could feel the weight of Byakuya’s eyes on him. 

Byakuya had been standing in the doorway for a good full minute not saying a word. Well, what was there to say? ‘Hey, sorry I used you?’ No, if Byakuya said that it would be a lie. Renji had agreed to be used. Renji knew that and what he needed to do was own up to that and let go of this old resentment about Rukia. It wasn’t Byakuya’s fault Rukia had walked away all those years ago.

That had been a long time ago. What happened today was just an accident. And, fuck, the whole thing could have been far worse if it’d been more than just Rukia. She could have brought Ichigo with her or that cadre of human friends she ran with. That, they would have never lived down. Ichigo? Mr. I-call-Byakuya-by-his-first-name? Nah, that kid would have mocked them forever. Both of them. Shamelessly.

That thought made Renji chuckle darkly.

The bed creaked as Byakuya came to sit on one edge. “You’ve found something to laugh about in all this?” Byakuya asked curiously, a tentative hand reaching out to smooth a bit of hair from Renji’s face.

Renji had sprawled out, spread eagle—taking up most of the king-size. He’d tossed the cock ring into the still partly open drawer. The leash lay over a chair where he’d flung it after unclipping it. Even though the spikes were making indentations into the back of his neck, Renji’d just left the collar on, having found it too complicated for his current state of mind. Similarly, the shirt was still clutched in his fist, forgotten in his despondency. So he wore nothing but jeans and a spiked collar.

He was sure he was quite the sight, but he didn’t care.

“Yeah, well, honestly, the whole thing is kind of funny when you think about it,” Renji said. He stared at the ceiling and said, “I was just imagining how much worse it could have been.”

“How is that even possible?” Byakuya asked softly, his hand steadier now as he ran his fingers through Renji’s hair again.

“Two words: Ichigo Kurosaki.”

Byakuya’s hand paused, “Oh dear gods.”

“Exactly,” Renji chuckled.

“I’m sorry, Renji,” Byakuya said.

Renji squinted over at Byakuya, trying to read his expression. His face was its usual closed mask, but Byakuya’s gray eyes were sincere and regretful. Renji frowned at him, “Don’t, okay? There’s nothing to be sorry for. Shit happens.”

“’There’s nothing,’” Byakuya repeated slowly, as though trying to perfectly match Renji’s accent as he said it. He seemed to come to some happy conclusion having done that, “Ah, good. Then, I see all is truly well.”

Renji had no idea what had just gone through Byakuya’s head, but he nodded. Everything was okay, for the most part. It wasn’t like Renji didn’t know exactly where he fell in the hierarchy of the Kuchiki family. Rukia was always going to come first. Maybe Renji even wanted her to.

Pulling himself up, Renji looked at the shirt he’d picked out. It seemed to advertise some heavy metal band… or something involving machetes and skulls. The sleeves had been ripped off. “What’re you going to say to Rukia?”

Byakuya folded his hands in his lap and stared at them. After a long pause, he said, “I have no idea.”

“I have plan,” Renji said pulling the tee over his head. “Try: nothing. That’s worked for me and her before.”

“Before?”

Renji glanced over his shoulder at Byakuya. There was something playful in his tone. Sure enough, a slight smile graced his face. Their eyes met, and Byakuya rose to his feet in that silent, effortless way he had. Renji watched him as he came and stood in front of where Renji sat. 

Byakuya’s hands reached to unclasp the collar at Renji’s neck, as he said, “Are you implying my sister has seen you like that before?”

“Well…” Renji blushed, “Never with a collar on.”

Byakuya let out a soft chuckle. “You’re very, very naughty.”

Renji’s blush deepened even more. Glancing at Byakuya’s appreciative expression, a dark thought skittered through Renji: is that all I am to you? Your easy little Rukongai slut? 

Maybe so. That was how everything’d started, after all. Byakuya had been mortified when Renji had told him he was in love. And Renji had never forgotten all that talk of wakashū, either. That had all been forgiven when Byakuya finally said he loved him back, but, damn if that didn’t come after a satisfying Love Hotel spanking session…

“Are you alright, Renji? You seem… pensive.” Graceful hands made quick work of the buckle. Renji felt it loosen and, despite the fact his throat had never truly been constricted, he took a deep, gulping breath. Before Renji could answer, Byakuya’s dark eyebrows drew together, and he added, “You’ve bruised.”

“What?” Renji was surprised. After all, it took the full-force of El Directo to make a dent these days. “Seriously? Shit, maybe you should just leave it on me.”

“On? Don’t you think that would be awkward?” Byakuya asked sounding almost nervous.

“Nah,” Renji said, grabbing hold of the loose ends and drawing them back together blindly. He craned his neck awkwardly to try to see what he was doing. “In fact, it might be better if I’m wearing it—you know, like it’s just some fashion accessory.”

“Oh, I see.” Byakuya sounded baffled, however. He seemed to need several moments to process that idea, and then he blinked, as though coming to. Even though Renji had nearly managed it, Byakuya took the buckle from him and fastened it again. He stepped back, as though to consider the look. He seemed unconvinced as he said, “You’re sure? Will Rukia not find it odd? Do humans actually wear these outside of… clubs?”

Renji got up and went over to the sex toy drawer and started rummaging through. “I think I saw some matching wristbands last night.”

“Ah, yes,” Byakuya said, coming over to help. “They’re actually a set with the collar. You can attach the leash at the various… ah, here’s one.” Byakuya said, handing it over. 

Renji had just found the other. “Okay, you put the one on my right. I can get the left.”

When they were finished, Byakuya nodded his approval. “You look… well, certainly more intentional.”

Renji glanced down at his exposed arm tattoos and the cool studded leather wristbands. “Fuck intentional; I look badass.”

“Indeed.”

#

Just as Renji thought she would, Rukia rolled with it like a pro. She gave Renji a huge hug when she came back in, like she hadn’t seen him since last night. Though into his ear she did whisper a teasing little, “I like the leather. It suits you.”

It was a little more awkward with ‘nii-sama,’ of course. There was a little pause and an odd sort of half-bow from her in greeting. 

From where he stood by the door, Renji shot Byakuya a look, like ‘See, she’s not going to stop giving you face just ‘cuz she found out you have sex.’ 

But, Byakuya never even glanced at Renji. Instead, he seemed caught up in the smile Rukia gave him as she offered her arm and let him lead her to the living room part of the suite, as she asked, “How’s the tea? You should have seen the tea shop, nii-sama. I think you’d have liked it. It could have come straight out of the Soul Society!”

She chatted away about all the cool features of the tea shop as Byakuya led her into the other room. Renji, who’d held the door open for her, glanced out at the tiny alcove-hallway by the elevator wondering if Eishirō was going to make an appearance. It seemed not, so Renji shut the door and followed after them.

When Renji finally came into the living room, the question of seating became somewhat problematic, too. There was only the one couch and the remains of breakfast were still scattered over the glass-top table. Renji automatically moved to start cleaning up, but then hesitated. Should he really play the part of servant right now? But, he was the lowest ranked guy here. It wasn’t like Byakuya or Rukia could do it, and Eishirō wasn’t there. Renji sighed inwardly as he piled plates together into a stack. It kind of sucked that Byakuya wasn’t the sort for PDAs; a kiss would be a nice acknowledgement of their relationship right now.

That was, if they really had one.

So, it shocked Renji when Byakuya took him by the hand and said, “Set those down, would you? Come sit by me.”

“Uh…,” Renji stretched just enough to put the plates onto the cart without letting go of Byakuya’s hand, “You’re sure? If Rukia sits on the floor…. I mean, I can’t sit above her.”

Byakuya seemed to consider this seriously for a moment, and then he waved his hand dismissively. “We’re in the Human World, Renji. We can all sit on the floor. But, wherever we are, I’d like you beside me.”

Renji could have melted. What Byakuya just said was almost better than any ‘I love you,’ and Renji found himself focusing on Byakuya lips, a desire to kiss him washing over him in an almost euphoric wave. He might even have gone for it, but, out of the corner of his eye he saw Rukia’s hands go to her mouth and she made a face like, “D’aaawwww! So cute!”

Renji flashed her a rude gesture. The motion of which made Byakuya turn to see what interaction he’d missed. Rukia, who’d started to stick her tongue out at Renji in retaliation, quickly dropped her hands and put on her ‘innocent’ expression.

Byakuya clucked his tongue. “Honestly. It’s like having two children.”

Rukia dropped her eyes demurely, “Sorry, nii-sama.”

After that, both Byakuya and Rukia turned to look at Renji as if to say, ‘now your turn.’ Renji frowned at them, “What? She started it.”

Byakuya sighed and shook his head in dismay. With a final squeeze, he let go of Renji and settled himself on the floor, on one side of the long, glass table. Renji plopped down next to him, and Rukia found a spot opposite them both. The three of them moved aside the last of the plates and cups. “So do you have plans for the day?” Rukia asked, setting a tea cup into the little pile they’d made. “Doing anything fun?”

She seemed to think about an alternate implication of her question and her eyes widened a little and color dotted her cheeks.

Byakuya, who was taking sip of the tea Rukia had bought him, paused, clearly aware of where her mind had gone.

Renji rolled his eyes at both of them. “I’m trying to convince him to go to the amusement park; he wants to drag me through a museum.”

Raising an eyebrow, Byakuya said around the paper cup, “Hopefully I won’t have to actually physically _drag_ you.”

“Heh,” Renji smiled, and hooking a finger into one of the metal loops on his collar, he said, “Maybe you should reattach the leash. That’d make a sight. You all posh-looking and me all, ‘Culture? Noooooo!’” He made a gesture like trying to run away, but being jerked back.

Both Rukia and Byakuya gawped at him. Then Rukia started to snicker. Suddenly, she was giggling, and then couldn’t hold back a full-throated laugh. Her laughter started coming out more and more, until she collapsed backwards in a fit. 

Even Byakuya smiled a little. “Yes, that’s quite the image.”

While Rukia was busy getting herself back under control and wiping tears from her eyes, Byakuya leaned over and placed a little kiss on Renji’s cheek. Into Renji’s ear, he whispered, “Thank you.”

Confused, Renji looked over at him, and mouthed, “For embarrassing you more?”

“For making everything all right,” Byakuya assured him.


End file.
